I don’t know about you, but I get a TON of spam email on my blog.  Fortunately, my blog is built to withstand the invading hordes, but I’m forever beating off legions of these wretched little spammers, because I tell you, they fight in groups.

While deleting spam after spam – I decided to have a little fun and “reply” to the spammers.

Note:  All the original spelling, punctuation and formatting (or lack thereof) of spam comments have been kept. 

So let’s take a peek, shall we – into the weird and woolly world of spam.

SPAM COMMENTS IN ITALICS AND BOLD.  MY RESPONSES FOLLOW.

 – Standard auto insurance… –

Now wouldn’t that be just lovely! If I had a car…

– Video chat room hamsterfreecams –

Are you saying that I get to chat with a hamster?  Or that hamsters like to video chat?  Or that the camera you’re offering me is free of hamsters?  Or are you offering me a free hamster with the purchase of a camera?

 -Fast cash advance… –

WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

 – Жизнь современной женщины соткана из тысячи мелочей. Муж, дети, дом, работа – все это уже давно мы научились нести на наших хрупких плечах с высоко поднятой головой. А так хочется иногда расслабиться и быть просто женщиной, нежной и беззащитной. Но жизнь диктует свои правила. И в первую очередь современная женщина должна быть Хозяйкой. Настоящей Хозяйкой во всем. Подробнее читайте на сайте –

This troubles me greatly, because I can tell you are trying very hard to tell me something here, and judging from its length, it might be important, but I’m afraid I just can’t quite understand you.

Perhaps if you repeated yourself.

Ah, I see that you did . . . several times.

 -Cheap insurance cheap car insurance –

HO-HO – even better. But again . . .  I don’t have a car.

– Guaranteed loan how to get a loan with no bank account – 

Not that I would just automatically cast aspersions on the character of spammers, but I must admit that this does sound faintly suspicious.

– Classic car insurance –

Ooo – I do love classic cars.  Could you possibly help me obtain one, along with that loan?

– We suppose that barely a professional correspondent can cunning speculative content that’s nothing stubby of perfect –

In moments like this, I just really appreciate the effort a spammer has put into researching me and making sure their ads are applicable – I mean, this comment is really knowledgeable.  They knew I was barely professional, I can be cunning, I sometimes write speculative content, I am rather on the stubby (short) side, and nothing’s perfect!

– Best auto insurance companies –

AGAIN WITH THE CARS.

– Need money now –

Are you saying you want money from me?

Hey, I don’t even know you!  Do I look like a bank? And you haven’t even told me what you need money for.  And besides, DOESN’T EVERYONE NEED MONEY NOW?

– Casino games online casino online slots – 

Hmmm – but do you pay in fruit chews? Because that’s the only thing I’ll gamble with…

– I have checked your site and I have found some duplicate content –

Wow, really? What a coincidence, because I have checked my spam and found a lot of duplicate content too…  Especially about auto insurance.

– 500 fast cash money fast same day payday loans payday advance lenders –

Okay, I’m in – what do I have to bury?

 -Write a thesis statement write a thesis statement –

GET AWAY FROM ME.  That’s sounds too much like homework.

 – Cheap car insurance companies –

We imagine that just a able paragrapher can craft speculative size that’s nothing succinct of fulfilled.

You know – I imagine that too????  I want to live in a world where all able paragraphers can craft their speculative to a size that’s nothing succinct of fulfilled.

– High school research paper –

Okay, stop rubbing it in.  I know I look young and people are constantly mistaking me for a teenager but I haven’t been a teenager in OVER half a decade so just knock it off!

– I’m no longer certain the place you’re getting your information, however good topic. I must spend some time learning more or figuring out more. Thank you for great info I was on the lookout for this information for my mission –

Yes, by all means, please do spend more time learning more or figuring out more.  I would highly recommend it to you.

As far as where I get my information, that’s classified.

But um . . . before you go, tell me more about this mission.  I must admit I am intrigued . . .

 – Best auto insurance companies –

– Hello colleagues, it’s impressive post concerning tutoring and fully defined.  Keep it up all the time –

Why, hello colleague!  It’s always a pleasure to meet a fellow colleague.

I think there might have been a slight technical glitch here – I’m sure it wasn’t YOUR fault, haha – because I found your comment at the end of my post “My Funny Valentine – 4 Romantic Comedies for Valentine’s Day.”  

While I can see why you would find that post impressive, I’m not quite sure what you were referencing by the word “tutoring.”

Aww, you’re so sweet.  <3   I do indeed try to keep it up, all the time!

– Can you do my homework –

You know, with that kind of attitude, you are not going to get anywhere in life.  You do your own homework!

– You must just look in support of some specialised examples online. There is a enormous numbers of extraordinary useful info on the web macbeth essay on power nowadays really. I can also persuade you to judge not at home. It is a diminish thing indeed –

I think they are trying to say that if I judge Macbeth from home, I shall somehow be diminished.

Do you possibly mean I will be zapped by a long-range shrinking device if I read Macbeth at home and judge the aforementioned play?

I’m already 5′ 3″ – I don’t have any inches to spare!  Look, I won’t read Macbeth – will that save me?

You know what?  I’m reporting you!  You’re a menace!  Stop picking on midgets with your diminishing device!

– Ревность является отрицательным и разрушительным чувством для любовных отношений. Конечно, в малых дозах она даже полезна, но здесь речь идет о том, что человек психически нездоров. Читайте об этом подробнее на сайте –

Ah – there you are again!  I was wondering about you.

– You can merely look representing several specialised examples online. There is a oceans of different expedient info on the net collection 3 these days really. I can also persuade you to try one\’s hand at wide of the mark. It is a cold-hearted attitude indeed-

Okay, just stop – you are really crossing the line with this.  While I agree that there are oceans of info on the net that make things expedient – don’t you think telling ME that I’m wide of the mark is a little rich considering the source, you peanut?  OH – so I have a cold-hearted attitude, do I?  Well, you are an exceptionally rude little spammer.  I think YOU are the one with the problem and you can just go spam somebody else!

– anti start barking training collar example –

 – We must merely look for some specialised guides online. There is a oceans of unalike productive info on the network abstracts as well as professional summaries today really. I can also recommend you to undertaking wide of the mark. It isa chilliness predilection indeed –

– full coverage car insurance insurance auto automobile insurance companies –

– a fantastic read.  Your way of explaining all in this article is in fact good, every one can simply
know it, Thanks a lot –

After scrambling to find the “article” in which I explain *all* I was slightly puzzled to find myself scrolling through my One Year Anniversary Post.

What is it, exactly that everyone can simply know?

Though honestly, I appreciate this person’s enthusiasm.  If they thought that post was good, they are easy to please!

– I have checked your site and I have found some duplicate content –

 – Best auto insurance companies –

– I have checked your site and I have found some duplicate content –

I’m done.