The title is pretty self-explanatory. Oh, I wanted more run-of-the-mill things for Christmas – books, music . . . that kind of thing.
But I have these deep longings for something else for Christmas (things that very likely won’t come to pass) but are still lots of fun to think about. Thus, I have compiled a list for the third year in a row! (see 2016 and 2017)
# 1. A Machine That Scans My Brain in the shower, while I’m trying to go to sleep, and all those other times when I’m NOT in front of my computer, but I’m bursting with story ideas, inspired snippets, and sizzling dialogue. This Machine scans my brain and automatically writes all these ideas down with vocabulary worthy of a Rhodes scholar.
To quote the Beach Boys: “Oh, wouldn’t it be nice!”
# 2. A Ride on Aslan
Only a true Narnian will understand. I want to ride the Great Lion, off on some great task, half-flying, half-running through the stately woods and grassy hills of Narnia with the wind in my hair and joy bursting in my heart. I want to bury my hands in the golden mane so I don’t fall off on that ride of a lifetime.
Note: The Aslan above is the REAL movie Aslan (BBC version) and the first person to say that the flying effect is corny, shall receive the full measure of my utmost derision. See example below.
# 3. The ability to magically play a new instrument (harp or guitar preferred) like a champ without lessons or practice.
Hey, can you blame me? Who wouldn’t want that?
# 4. Another season of Crime Traveler
I love this TV show so much. It’s like Dr. Who meets police procedural. The characters, the plots, the dialogue, the humor, the acting – it was all PERFECT, but of COURSE it only ran ONE MEASLY SEASON.
# 5. A baby Rodian.
I mean, c’mon – LOOKIT THAT GUY.
Isn’t he the cutest thing?? Plus, it’s probably Warwick Davis inside, so it’s a win/win.
# 6. More interaction / Comments on my blog posts.
Hey, I understand. I’m terrible about commenting on other people’s blog posts, but –
According to my stats, over 90 people follow me, and I’ve only talked to and know about twenty to twenty five of you really well. This makes me very curious about the other 70 people that follow me.
Am I posting amiss somehow . . . ? I’m not trying to guilt anyone, I promise! But one of my New Years resolutions is to spend less time on social media so a lot of my social interacting will take place on my blog soooo . . . I’d love to meet you / talk to you more right here!
# 7. Spend Christmas in a real live castle.
I’m not as greedy as Flynn; I’d settle for a two week stay. A private castle would be nice, of course, buuut . . . after checking out my options, I think Swinton Park Castle and Lough Eske Castle would meet my stringent requirements.
# 8. A New Ending To The Hobbit Movies
*cue eternal bawling* I want to watch a new and updated version of the Hobbit movies where Fili, Kili and Thorin don’t die.
I DON’T CARE if it makes sense. I DON’T CARE if that’s what happened in the books (who CARES about Thorin and Fili and Kili in the books?).
For the love of fish sticks, they already changed so much, WHY SHRINK FROM CHANGING THE ENDING?
That’s the problem with filmmakers (especially British ones), the one thing they WILL keep in film adaptions of books are death scenes.
When did happy endings go out of style?
If they were going to kill someone, why didn’t they kill Bombur and Ori? That would have been a bummer for about five seconds (enough to satisfy the someone-must-die story line) and then we could have gone on to our normal, happy ending WHERE THE SONS OF DURIN SURVIVE AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND VISIT HOBBITAN EVERY YEAR TO HAVE TEA AND CRUMPETS WITH BILBO.
*writhes in agony at that ending where hobbits cry, dwarves die, and one of my favorite love stories is snuffed out like a candle*
# 9. Pixar balloons that can transport my home (and its temperature controlled comforts) to any destination on the planet.
Someday science will discover this mysterious substance called Disneyite – and then our lives will be amazing.
# 10. Go to Disney World
Before I die, folks, before I die – I shall walk the streets of The Magic Kingdom, ride the rides until I you-know-what, stuff my face with overpriced food, and buy irreplaceable Disney kitsch.
The plan is to also stay in a themed hotel, eat at the Be Our Guest restaurant and while I’m there, meet up with Gaston for a rousing Gaston singalong to disturb all the patrons with our rowdy awesomeness. It shall be glorious.
Wonder of wonders, one of my impossible dreams that I wished for in Xmas 2016 and Xmas 2017 actually came true – I got to attend a big party with my online friends! You might have seen this referenced around the internet as the Glory Writer’s Retreat.
Who would have believed THAT would have happened?
So now I’m wondering . . .
WHERE’S MY BRAIN SCANNER AND MY BABY RODIAN?
(Not to mention my meet-up with Gaston the Great)
What impossible and preposterous things do YOU want for Christmas? Do you long to be aboard the first commercial flight to the Moon? Do you want to swim in a pool full of soft serve ice cream? Do you want to ride Clifford the Big Red Dog? I want to know what farcical (excuse me, fanciful) desires you have this holiday season!