*gal who sometimes goes by the nickname Kili shoves open door with a cheeky grin*

How goes it, all my merry wanderers?  I am here to announce an UNEXPECTED PARTY.  Literally.  Because, doggone it, Rachel. You did it to me AGAIN.

For the un-enlightened, allow me to explain.

A few months ago, the very awesome Rachel posted a very awesome tag on her very awesome blog. (whew, that was a mouthful).  It was all about Westerns and Blog parties and, even though I had just been planning on taking a much needed blogging break, it looked like so much fun I ended up joining in the eleventh hour, feverishly producing a blog post at the last possible moment.

And now Rachel’s done it again.  I was just about to take another much-needed blogging break when, lo and behold, Rachel announced a Middle-Earth themed blog party and invited all and sundry to participate.

Guys, do you have any idea what going on inside an extrovert when they are invited to a party?

No matter how tired we are, no matter how busy, no matter the difficulties, we WANT TO JOIN THE PARTY.

WE.  CAN’T.  RESIST.  It’s like dangling so much kibble in front of me.

 On top of that, it’s about Lord of the Rings, which meant this would be the perfect opportunity to air my controversial opinions and tease my LOTR-loving friends because I can’t resist teasing any more than I can resist parties.  *INNOCENT SMILE*

(author’s note:  I love my LOTR-loving friends and think their interest is cool, I really do.  But, whenever I see someone taking something really seriously, I start teasing mercilessly.  All wisecracks are made in good fun . . . Allison’s gotta wisecrack.

So did I plan this post? Noooo.  But I’m a glutton for punishment.  And thus, thanks to Rachel, we have an unexpected party!

Okay, now that the long-winded explanations are behind us, let us proceed deep into shadows of Middle Earth – and the even scarier recesses of my own mind.

ARE YOU READY?

Time to rub some Middle Earth fans the wrong way!!

1.  Join Thorin’s Company or the Fellowship?

DWARVES, BABY.  DWARVES.  DWARVES, DWARVES, DWARVES.

I love their culture, their weapons, their music, their home, their shortness, and, above all, the characters.  I loved that crazy rabble SO MUCH.  My heart was completely captured by their epic journey and their yearning for their homeland.

I literally felt all of Bilbo’s emotions as he took up their quest as his own and grieved with them over all that they had lost and fought for them so that they might regain what was theirs.  AHH – it was beautiful, guys.  Dwarves are amazing and stole my heart!

Funny story:  The first time I watch the Hobbit trilogy and Thorin asked his band to follow him one last time, I literally sat up in my chair, threw my hand up in the air and yelled:  “ME!  I’M WITH YOU, THORIN.  I’M WITH YOU TO THE END.”

Yeah, I’m a big supporter of dwarves.  AND EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD BE, TOO.

I am not a fan of Lord of The Rings (movies or books), but I love The Hobbit trilogy.  Those films evoked powerful feelings for me (specifically, intense waves of hiraeth: yearning and nostalgia for a home which may have never been).  It’s rare for this analytical viewer to be so emotionally engaged with a film and it was everything I was looking for in a fantasy story.

Anyway, for many reasons that I won’t go into right now, this trilogy means a lot to me.

It’s a pity I’m often alone in those feelings.

So, to reiterate.  THORIN’S COMPANY – HANDS DOWN, WITHOUT QUESTION, FOREVER AND ALWAYS.  They are my precious boys.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Me?  Obsessed?  NAH.

2.  …ride Shadowfax or an eagle?

Pfft, EAGLES.

I want to FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Shadowfax is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but he can’t beat something with wings, sorry.  I’ve wanted to fly on eagles ever since I first saw Rescuers Down Under as a wee little tot.  Most of my early drawings involve girls riding long dresses and riding eagles.  (fashion + flight = nirvana)  It’s definitely a life-long dream.

3.  …travel through Moria or Mirkwood?In my opinion Mirkwood needs to be napalmed before it’s fit to travel through.  There are a ton of bothersome spiders and Elves there that need to be fried.

I’ll go with Moria.  Even though I’m claustrophobic I have a strange fascination for caves!  (See?  I am such a dwarf!)

I’m not too thrilled about the orcs and goblins and cave trolls inside them but, you know, they’re not that bad!

As long as you don’t ruin their birthday parties, they’re perfectly harmless.

4.  …learn to make elvish rope or mithril chainmail?

Dude, I’m in Middle Earth – it’s dangerous here.  I’m gonna need that chain mail.

But, by all means, keep making that rope.  There’s plenty of bad guys that need hanging in this here country, Pilgrim.

*re-reads question*  *feels foolish*

Oh, I was thinking what would I ASK for between the two, not which one would I MAKE.

Hmm.  Well, I feel disloyal to my dwarvish brethren, but rope making sounds a little more interesting than making chain-mail.  But, honestly, I’d rather just order both from Amazon Prime.  Is that an option?

5.  …try to outwit Smaug or Saruman?

Sauraman – he doesn’t have claws or breath fire – those are two things I usually try to avoid.

I thought Sauraman was kind of a joke was a villain.  All you need to do is wait until he’s standing on a tower (he does it often) and then push him off.  Problem-o solved.

*insert sounds of grinding water-wheel and wizard gurgling*

6.  …spend an hour with Grima Wormtongue or Denethor?

You do realize when you say “spend an hour” I’m thinking like an hour of intense questioning – right?

Denethor is a straight-forward jerk and doesn’t have anything useful to tell me.  I’ll just let Gandalf handle him – the way he did  in the best scene in all three LOTR movies.

It’s Grima who’s the sneaky little traitor and he needed to be worked over  to reveal his secrets, so I’ll go ahead and spend some “quality time” with Grima Wormtongue. 

7.  …attend Faramir’s wedding or Samwise’s wedding?

In all honesty, weddings are not my favorite kind of social gathering.

I would much rather attend Thranduil’s Feast of Starlight and disco with the Elves or have a Pizza and Netflix night with the hobbits or go burn something down with the dwarves.

*ahem*

So, yeah, weddings wouldn’t be at the top of my list.  But if I’m forced to choose.  *thinks*

Other than just the most basic pity, I honestly could care less about Faramir.

*smiles at the hundreds of Faramir fan girls*

BURN!

So, that being said, I guess I’ll hang out at Sam’s wedding, there’s probably better food and more lively music.

8.  …have to care for the One Ring or the Arkenstone for a day?

Haha – the Arkenstone.  The Ring has a tendency to turn it’s bearers into sickly and crazed addicts, so I think I’ll stay away from it.

If I have the Arkenstone, all I have to do is AVOID a sickly and crazed addict, so I’ll take my chances running away from crazed dwarf kings.

Plus, like Boromir, I would be sorely tempted to use the Ring to wipe out the enemy, so you’d better keep it away from me.

9.  …have tea with Bilbo or Frodo?

BILBO BAGGINS, OBVIOUSLY.  Bilbo is my boy.  He is such a darling hero, how could anyone NOT love him?

If we’re talking young Bilbo, he’s such a brave sweetie, I just want him as a best friend.  I can think of no fictional character I’d rather hang-out with over tea and crumpets.  Okay, let’s be honest, I’d do ANYTHING with Bilbo.  Or just sit in a companionable silence, I don’t care.

If you mean Old Bilbo, I’d have tea with him too!  I like crusty older gentlemen.  Plus, he would tell wonderful stories. And I could have some great fun in teasing him. 😁

What can I say?  I get Gandalf in the Hobbit Trilogy character quizzes.  I’m obviously destined to give the Bilbo’s of this world parties they don’t want and drag them out of their holes for adventures they didn’t ask for.

For their own good, of course.

10.  …fight alongside Boromir or Eomer?

EASIEST QUESTION EVER.

BoromirBoromirBoromirBoromirBoromirBoromirrrrrr!!!!!!!!

Guys, come on REALLY?  It’s Sean Bean and he’s playing the best character in all of Lord of the Rings.  OBVIOUSLY, I’m going to pick Boromir.

And besides, I was not impressed with Eomer one little bit.  To my mind he did a whole lot of nothing.

On top of that, I’m hobbit-sized and Boromir was always kind to hobbits and defended them, so I feel like he would watch my back.

Let’s be honest.  Eomer’s near and dear don’t fair too well.  They get possessed by malevolent spirits, hit on by creeps, killed (and nearly killed) on battle fields.  And, to a certain extent, Eomer just lets it all happen.

At least, I thought he was.  😜

Aw, is the party over?  What a pity.

Well, I’m still having lots of fun anticipating all the comments this blog post will receive!

And don’t forget, you can check out the rest of the Party on Rachel’s blog RIGHT HERE.

And now, let the comments fly.   I am sharpening my axe to defend ANY TRASH TALK AGAINST THE HOBBIT TRILOGY OR MY LOVELY DWARVES.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

*rubs hands together*

CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR.  It’s Lord of the Rings purists vrs Hobbit Trilogy Lovers!

*dings bells aggressively and holds up round one sign*

To quote the White Wizard:  “Prepare for battle!”   I am ready, baby!

But, until the gates are overrun by Orcs, I shall leave you.  I wish you all the luck in the world.

*WHIMPERING*

*LIP TREMBLING WITH EMOTION*

PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRAWL INTO THE CORNER AND SOB HYSTERICALLY AND INCONSOLABLY, BECAUSE EVEN A GIF FROM THE HOBBIT TRILOGY IS ENOUGH TO REDUCE ME TO A QUIVERING PUDDLE OF EMOTION.

Ahh, love it.