What ho, chappies! What ho, what ho!
It’s the most zany time of the year again! Long-time veterans of Allison’s Well will know what is coming next. *grins* But I have a few new followers so I’m just going to explain the ground rules again, very quickly.
Back in 2016, I blogged about ten preposterous (but nice) things I wanted for Christmas. It was a catalog of my wildest fancies captured for your amusement and I had so much fun sharing my weird wishes, that it became an annual tradition!
And so, I have compiled a list for the fourth year in a row! Eleven ridiculous Christmas wishes that have absolutely no hope of coming true.
But . . . who knows. It IS a magical time of year. 😉
For the record, I never believed in Santa Claus, I was a rather cynical and realistic little girl.
Hooowever, just because I never believed in Santa Claus doesn’t stop me from making a Christmas lists. Like I would ever pass up the opportunity to make a LIST. *laughs at your ignorance*
Note: I am cheating a bit this year by making it eleven wishes instead of ten, but I DON’T CARE. This is my blog and I make the rules.
Ahem, anyway, I’m rambling. Why didn’t somebody stop me? Never mind. Let’s go!
1. Spend The Night In A Library
WHO DOESN’T WANT TO DO THIS?
When I was little, I once read a chapter book about two girls locked in a library overnight and I thought that was one of the coolest concepts I had ever seen.
Yup, just gimme some coffee to keep me awake and leave me there. I’ll spend half the night reading, and then a few hours exploring the deliciously creepy surroundings. And, in the wee hours before dawn, the giant stuffed animals in the kids section will come to life and I’ll play with them. TALK ABOUT AN EPIC PLAYTIME.
2. Season Tickets To Broadway
I am crazy about theater and I love Broadway shows. I WOULD BE ONE HAPPY CAMPER IF I COULD SEE A BROADWAY SHOW ONCE A MONTH, YES INDEEDY.
Actually, scratch that. I wouldn’t just be happy, I would be beside myself with glee and losing my ever-loving mind.
3. My Own Private Jet.
I’ve got to get to Broadway on the weekends SOMEHOW – right?
4. A Ride On A Giant Eagle
Most people want to ride a giant eagle because of Lord of the Rings. Not me, friend. My infatuation with riding eagles started when I was just a wee tot, due to a far superior movie.
RESCUERS DOWN UNDER!!!!
Soaring through the sky on Marahute with the wind in my hair and the world far below is MY idea of a holiday treat. I WANT TO FLY!
You’re probably thinking: Allison, why wish for an eagle AND a jet? They’re both forms of transportation.
Riding on a giant eagle is more to satisfy my thrill-seeking heart. Well, if I’m flying all the way to New York to see a Broadway show, I don’t want to risk sliding off my eagle and falling into a best river to have my best clothes to be ruined. And for any long-distance jaunts, I want a fast and temperature-controlled way to do it, along with a stewardess to bring me little snacks. I’m very attached to my creature comforts.
As awesome as they are, you can’t get any of that on a giant eagle.
5. Participate In A Food Fight
DON’T TELL ME YOU’VE NEVER WANTED TO DO THIS. Anyway, I know I always have always wanted to!
Yes, I know it makes a mess and it’s a waste of food, but I CAN’T HELP IT!!!!! I want to be part of a food fight.
I would be sissy enough to request a helmet, though, because getting a pie in the ear or the eyeball looks painful but, other than that, I’LL TAKE ANYTHING YOU’VE GOT.
6. Attend A Writer’s Conference
I looked at not one, but four different writer’s conferences during 2019. Sadly, nothing worked out and I wasn’t able to attend a single one. *sniffs* SOME DAY, I will attend a writer’s conference.
Unfortunately, the one I want to attend due to so many of online friends regularly attending it (Realm Makers) never seems to be hosted anywhere near me. SHAME ON THEM.
I guess this is where my private jet will start to see service, eh?
7. A Baby Panda
LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS FACE!!!!!
I MEAN, WHO WOULDN’T WANT THAT FUZZY LITTLE DARLING??
*screams from the sheer cuteness of that face*
*flails and faints*
*gets up to scream again*
8. My Own Butler
I’m not exactly sure why, but I’ve been enamored with butlers for a long time. When I was little, my mom read a number of excellent books aloud to me that featured butlers (Praiseworthy from By The Great Horn Spoon and Worthington from The Three Investigators series left a profound and lasting impression on me). This was only the beginning of my butler-love and it has only grow exponentially through the years.
Many of my stories feature butlers in the main cast, and I don’t see that stopping any time soon. I’m so obsessed with butlers that I’m actually planning a blog post on them some day entitled: Butlers I Have Loved.
Yeah, I’m hardcore.
Ahem, anyway, I would like a butler. THEY CAN DO ANYTHING. And they have more good sense and sang froid in their little finger than most countries have in their total population.
Fiction proves that they are just the coolest and handiest people to have around. With a butler beside me, I would feel invincible. Not to mention pampered.
Plus, he can look after the Pet Panda while I’m busy working.
9. The U.S.S. Enterprise To Land In My Yard
Forget the Tardis landing in your garden – I WANT THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE OR NOTHING. I’d gladly help Kirk and Spock look for whales!
In my heart, Captain Kirk and all of his crew are still flying around out there, boldly going where no man has gone before. They’re a truly incredible and indomitable set of characters and I love them to pieces.
(note: I am talking about the Original Series crew (the ONLY Enterprise crew). IF YOU EVEN DARE TO MENTION THOSE HIDEOUS NEW MOVIES WITH CHRIS PINE THAT COULDN’T BE STAR TREK EVEN IN THEIR WILDEST DREAMS, I SHALL UNLEASH MY ARMY OF TRIBBLES ON YOU).
Ahhh, if this band of lovable heroes showed up in my local park (better yet, my back yard) I would be ecstatic. Like Gillian Taylor, I would be stealing aboard the Enterprise and joining Kirk and Spock in their adventures in a heartbeat.
They would consider me a valuable edition, I’m sure, since I come with my own butler.
10. A Job Offer From The Bureau Of Magical Nannies.
Yep, when I’m not flying around on the U.S.S. Enterprise, I want to be booking it with an umbrella. I want to be Mary Poppins.
I really can’t think of a nicer day job than being a magical no-nonsense nanny who gets to spend her days with adorable munchkins. And in the evenings and my days off, I would write. A perfect existence, indeed. *wistful sigh*
I feel like I have at least some of the qualifications to make a magical nanny? 😂
11. A Genie Lamp – So That I Can Get Three More Christmas Wishes.
JUST LOOK AT ME, USING MY BRAIN. AREN’T I SMART???
I didn’t think to ask for a genie lamp in the past three years, so I am really pleased with myself right now. How far I’ve come!
And there you have it, my wee Elves. Ten absurd (but marvelous) Christmas wishes that have no chance of coming true.
And DON’T tell me you’ve never wished for any of these things yourselves. I mean, come now. Who wouldn’t????
And, while I’m still on the subject, here are the links to my 2018 edition, and my 2017 edition of this annual Xmas weirdness.
I’m not going to provide the link for my first edition produced back in 2016. I’m going to make you dig for that one in an effort to dissuade you from reading it. My early blog posts are kind of terrible and embarrassing.
Now it’s your turn, my friend. What weird and ridiculous things would YOU wish for this Christmas? Do you want to spend the holidays in the International Space Station? (if you do, you’re crazy) Do you want a life-size castle made out of Legos? (a much more sane request). A baby Yoda? (even better). Tell me EVERYTHING. Your secrets are safe with me.