As many of you know, I’m an infamous critic of romance.
I have even been challenged by one person with the phrase: “Have you any romance in your soul at all, Alli?” (this question was raised after some choice words I shared about that appalling couple, Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe).
I can’t remember how I responded now at the time, probably some friendly quip that I was sure I could find some scrap of romance somewhere inside me, if they were willing to hold.
The truth is, it’s far more easy for me to make a list of couples I hate and abhor then to list couples I actually tolerate – let alone love.
That doesn’t seem to be a difficulty for most girls, though. One doesn’t have to look far on the Internet to finds list after list of a gal’s top “OTP’s” of all time. I’m convinced at least a fourth of the Internet is taken up by blog posts of this kind. (fun side note: for the longest time, I didn’t know what an OTP was – I had to Google it)
After some puzzled observations, I put some thought into it and finally realized something. I actually DO have OTP’s that I adore wholeheartedly! *gasps* It was quite the earth-shattering realization and I knew I had to share it with all of you! SO LET’S HOLD ONTO OUR HATS AND OUR HEARTS AND DIVE RIGHT INTO IT.
# 1. A Minion and his Banana
LOOK AT HIS FACE. Are we really so bold as to watch this tender moment of intimacy, when a Minion holds his banana in his arms? Maybe we should allow them more privacy, BUT WILL WE? NO. It’s so sweet, we can’t tear our eyes away.
True love, folks.
# 2. Han and the Falcon
Love at first sight is a tricky trope.
But Han and The Falcon is the pinnacle of this cliche and an example to us all on how it can be done WELL. From the minute they clap eyes on one another, the Falcon and Han know that they have found “the one.” From their early youth, to growing old and disreputable together, their romance remains strong despite all obstacles! And, c’mon, who doesn’t love the trope where the tough guy turns to mush every time he’s around his girl and just babies her to death? This is (apparently) what every girl wants!
AND YET THIS IS NOT A ONE-SIDE LOVE AFFAIR. The Falcon loves Han and when he talks to her right, she preforms.
They can be hard on each other sometimes (that’s what puts a little zest into their otherwise fairy tale relationship) but they still adore one another no matter what. I’M TEARING UP GUYS, ARE YOU TEARING UP?
# 3. Peter and Shadow
Okay, with all of these tricky relationships I’ve been expanding upon and the way I’ve been carrying on about what is (nowadays) termed as unhealthy, it’s time to talk about a rock-solid, mutually beneficially, healthy relationship.
ENTER A BOY AND HIS DOG.
If you didn’t grow up watching Homeward Bound, your childhood was incomplete.
Despite having very little screen time together, this romance is SO STRONG. Their longing for one another is PALPABLE. Their love is so pure and their ultimate goal is to just be together again. I love how they both have to battle through so much to keep the faith. And MAN, the love that Shadow carries for Peter. It’s beautiful.
The part where Shadow is running towards Peter and saying: “My boy! My BOY!”
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. It gets me every time.
# 4. Fonzie and his Motorcycle
Just watch it, guys. I have no words to add to this. I’m on my knees begging you: watch this classic scene.
The Fonz says it all.
# 5. Frank T. Hopkins and Hidalgo
DID SOMEBODY SAY TRAGIC LOVE STORY? Well, here we go.
Who DIDN’T love the relationship between Frank and Hidalgo? These two lonely wild things are positive soul mates who were lucky enough to find one another. Their bond is what keeps them going in the adventure of a life time. They are each other’s other half.
And yet, sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, or how much you want to spend the rest of your life with them, it just doesn’t work out.
Hidalgo and Frank must come to the realization that they come from two different worlds. At the end, though it might break his heart, Frank realizes he has to let Hidalgo go.
But, like all the very best tragic love stories, they changed each other for the better. Frank and Hidalgo will never forget one another and we will never forget them either.
# 6. Scratt and his Acorn
NEITHER TIME OR SPACE CAN SEPARATE THEM, FOLKS.
Scrat has devotion down to an art. And, can we blame him? There’s a lot to be said for a nice, crunchy nut.
THIS HERE IS HOW TO DO A SLOW BURN ROMANCE, GUYS. WILL THEY OR WON’T THEY STAY TOGETHER? Fate itself conspires against them. Whether they can ever finally be at peace and enjoy their life together – it’s impossible to say.
# 7. Bilbo and Bag End
I kind of like to think of Bilbo and Bag End as the Hobbit Trilogy’s response to the Aragorn and Arwen type relationship. I love this gentle, easy relationship! Bilbo’s carries his love for Bag End wherever he goes, and it strengthens him when time gets hard. He knows that no matter what happens, his dear little home is waiting for him at the end of it all. He takes care of Bag End and Bag End takes care of him. It’s rare that we see such stable and healthy relationships in film these days, and this is definitely a couple to celebrate!
# 8. Mike and his new Car
Awww, just love at the love light in Mike’s eyes! Doesn’t that just your sentimental little heart beat wildly?
Even under pain of TORTURE, Mike can’t bring himself to give up his car.
ISN’T THAT PRECIOUS? He’d rather get his scream sucked out of his body than give her up! ???
Some might try say that this is an unhealthy relationship, bordering on obsession. Is Mike’s car heading for a potentially toxic relationship, where Mike make incessant demands of its time and abilities. Maybe so. The tension over how this relationship will turn out is palpable! One can only hope that Mike will recognize his possessiveness and not hold his car back from embracing its full potential.
# 9. Tintin and Snowy
I often get tired of the bickering couple syndrome. Where’s the love? Where’s the support? Where’s the mercy? For me, to make a relationship really fly, we need to feel that this duo is a TEAM.
ENTER TINTIN AND SNOWY. Was there ever a greater example of teamwork than this? I THINK NOT.
But the one element that I really want to talk about for this pair is FAITHFULNESS. Sure, sometimes they fight. Sometimes Snowy wrecks Tintin’s apartment or Tintin loses his temper and calls Snowy a bad dog – BUT THEY ALWAYS FORGIVE EACH OTHER. This constancy is something every couple should seek to emulate.
# 10. Kirk and the Enterprise
And now, at last, we come to my favorite OTP.
Captain Kirk and his one true love.
There have been many women in Captain Kirk’s life – but the Enterprise was the only girl that ever truly claimed Jim’s heart.
A lot of flak has come against this particular kind of relationship (the pure female redeeming and saving the bad boy) but HEY, when it works, it works! Don’t pop my bubble by telling me this is a toxic romance – it’s BEAUTIFUL. The Enterprise’s constancy to Kirk is an example to us all and AREN’T WE ALL JUST OVERCOME WITH GIDDINESS EVERY TIME WE SEE KIRK COME BACK TO HIS ONE AND ONLY? I know I am.
Kirk might have had dalliances with beautiful women from one side of the universe to the other but, through it all, the Enterprise was always there, pure and constant, waiting to love him and support him through his entire life.
And in the end, she gives up her life for him.
IT’S. SO. BEAUTIFUL.
It is one of the most heartbreaking sacrifices you will ever see in film – PERIOD.
I think it is in that moment that Kirk really does truly understand just what the Enterprise has meant to him all these years. But it’s too late . . . she’s gone forever. But she’s changed him for all time, and saved not only his life, but the life of his crew. AH, it’s a heartbreaking and gorgeous moment.
^ literally me watching these scenes ^
AND I’LL BET YOU THOUGHT THIS BLOG POST WAS GOING TO BE ABOUT SOMETHING DUMB – LIKE ACTUAL ROMANCE.
*jumping up and down and chanting in an infantile fashion* I
GOT YOU, I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU!
In case you haven’t figured it out, this has been, for the most part, a satire. (Though I did mean every word I said about Peter and Shadow, Frank and Hidalgo, and ESPECIALLY Kirk and the Enterprise. Kirk and the Enterprise literally is one of my favorite relationships of all time, I kid you not).
Anyway, this blog post was merely a humorous response to the ocean of excessive-sentimentality that stalks our internet these days and how funny we can sound when we over-romanticize things.
I’m all for sweetness, but I’m very anti-slobbering. I think sometimes the general populace goes a bit overboard on the romantic relationships and OTP thing so it was quite easy to write a mischievous caricature of romance-crazy fangirls by using their phrases and language in a satirical way. The abundance of material was more than this cynic could possibly resist.
Hopefully, you’re laughing with me. We have to snort at our own obsessions, chaps, right? Just a bit. This wasn’t a mockery of everything you love, merely me being naughty and teasing the world in general. *grins*
So, go ahead, tell me what you thought of this post. Are you lining up to pop me in the face for false advertising? What are YOUR favorite “fake” romances of all time? Did you play any April Fool’s jokes on anyone? Tell all!